Clothes That Speak: How Gay Men Use Fashion to Express Dating Intentions
Fashion is always a way of expressing intention, even when we don’t think much about it. When you dress up to go on a big date, for example, you’re indirectly saying, “I want my date to like me.” In the gay community, however, fashion can play a particularly important role.
But before looking at how gay men use fashion to express dating intentions today, it’s important to go back in time and take a brief look at the history of gay fashion expression.
A Timeline of Gay Fashion Expression
Gay fashion expression started in the 19th century, with the popularization of a movement known as dandyism. While being a dandy didn’t necessarily mean being gay (there are no references to “gays” or “homosexuals” in the Wikipedia page for Dandy, for example), dandies were the very first men to openly care about their appearance, groom themselves, and think aesthetically about their outfits.
Later on, in the 20th century, fashion became an explicit way of signaling intention in the gay community. The clearest example is the handkerchief code, especially prominent in the ’70s and ’80s. At the time, gay men incorporated different-colored handkerchiefs into their outfits to communicate clear-cut purposes. A dark-blue handkerchief, for example, indicated a liking for anal sex.
As history progressed, gay fashion was also profoundly impacted by the styles of LGBTQ+ icons such as Jean Paul Gaultier (subverted gender norms by making men wear skirts), Bob Mackie (known for his feminine fashion creations), and RuPaul (famous for his bold Drag Queen outfits).
Gay Fashion Expression Today
As gay men became more and more accepted in society, the need to use fashion to discreetly signal intent became less important. Gay men no longer need to resort to handkerchief codes to express themselves; in the modern-day dating landscape, they’re finally as free to use their clothes to communicate intent as anyone else.
When a gay man is looking for a serious relationship, he may opt for a style that’s more formal and in line with his day-to-day look. When he’s looking for a more casual encounter, he may opt for an outfit that highlights his body.
In the context of a gay hookup site like OneNightFriend (mainly designed for promoting casual relationships), gay men may use fashion to express their intentions in many ways, including:
- Relationship goals: Daring outfits highlighting the body and showing skin can be an indicator of one’s relationship goals (or, in this case, that one’s looking for sex rather than a serious relationship);
- Sexual preferences: When a gay man uploads a picture of himself wearing a leather harness (for example), he’s most likely expressing a preference for BDSM or related practices;
- Personality cues: If a gay man promotes himself on a website like OneNightFriend by using an exuberant outfit or a unique designer piece, he may be expressing a special side of his personality.
If you believe all of the above may also apply to heterosexual dating, you’re 100% right! While fashion expression among gay men does come with tons of baggage (mainly due to centuries of repression), it has now become as widely accepted as every other type of fashion expression, in and outside of the dating world.
Most Popular Gay Fashion Styles
Even though gay men are finally free to express themselves as openly as everyone else, gay fashion is still a thing. These are some of today’s most popular gay fashion styles:
- The Bear: An all-time classic, generally based on the subversion of hypermasculine tropes, including the incorporation of workwear.
- The Minimalist: Based on artistic fashion statements that, while conveying queerness, do so in a subtle and designer-conscious manner.
- The Masc4Masc: Gay men who love the gym—it’s more about showing off the body and promoting gym culture than the clothes per se.
- The Femme: A growing trend among younger gay men that’s highly inspired by early-2000s pop icons and blends feminine and masculine tropes.
In the dating world, popular gay styles can be a way of expressing intention by showcasing personality. Masc4Masc gays, for example, are most likely into physical exercise, whereas minimalist gay men probably prefer to spend their time reading about fashion and art.
The Bottom Line
Gay men use clothes that speak to communicate their dating intentions, and this can help them increase their chances of meeting like-minded singles, express their relationship goals, and attract people who enjoy the same fetishes. However, it would be wrong to think that the way gay men use fashion in dating is fundamentally different.
A study on the flirtatious behavior of gay men determined that, while gay men tend to be faster at flirting, they’re not so different from their straight counterparts:
“The most striking findings in the present study are the similarities, rather than the differences, that occur between heterosexual and non-heterosexual individuals.”
So, while it’s clear that gays and straights are somewhat different, it’s about time we shake off the often prejudiced notion that the two have different ways of expressing themselves in the dating world.
